Final Fantasy X Outtakes
by kansatsu-tobikunai
Summary: Wow, I'm creative with titles, ne? . Just what it sounds like, FFX outtakes! On with the Tidus torture! Forward with the anime references! Please R&R! n.n
1. The Bubble Cometh

Tobikunai: Outtakes! I love outtakes! But I think I've squeezed all the randomness possible out of Kingdom Hearts, so what to do now? Torture the FFX cast, of course! Its time for running gags, anime references, main character torture, and maybe even an MCCRL! Enjoy!

Kansatsu (my _((cough cough)) _fabulous _((cough,cough))_ muse): Kami-sama, have mercy on my soul

Tobikunai: Grrr... anyway, here goes!

* * *

**o-Chapter One: The Bubble Cometh-o**

-Opening Scene-

(_To Zanarkand is playing in the background)_

**Tidus:** _Listen to my story. _

**Rikku:** _(tiptoeing up behind him, slowly, sloooowly...)_

**Tidus:**_This may be our last chance..._

**Rikku:** _(Gives him a tiiiny push...)_

**Tidus:** Whoa... whoa... AUUUUUUGH! _(falls over the edge)_

**Rikku:** BUM BA DUH DUM DA DA DUNT DA DUUUUN! _(does her little victory twirl thingy)_

**Director:** CUT!

-Scene From Above, Take II-

**Tidus:** _Listen to my story-_

**Yuna:** TIDUS! You'd better not be talking to the people in your head again!

**Tidus:** Er... no ma'am!

**Yuna:** Good boy. n.n

**Tidus:** _This may be our last chance..._

**Yuna:** Tidus!

**Tidus:** Huh wha-

**Yuna:** What did I _just_ say!

**Tidus:** Gomennasai, gomennasai, won't happen again!

**Director:** _(groan)_

-Scene Where Tidus Is Being Ambushed by Fangirls-

**Random Little Kids:** Teach us how to blitz!

**Tidus:** Hey, I got a game to play!

**Random Kid: **Then teach us after!

**Tidus:** Maybe tonight...um...well...

**Fayth of Bahamut:** You can't tonight.

**Tidus:** And you know this because...

**FoB:** Erm...

**Tidus: o.O STALKER! STALKER!**

**FoB: ** I AM NOT!

**Tidus: STALKER! SOMEBODY GET SECURITY!**

**Director:** Tidus, he's one of the characters! Just deal with it!

-Opening FMV-

**Tidus:** _(Sitting in the gutter thing thing for some unknown reason)_

_(Otherworld intro plays, then, suddenly...)_

**Background Music:** Faaaiiiirytopia, full of wonder...

**Tidus:** O.O AUUUUUUUAAAAAUUUGH!

-Scene From Above, Take II-

_(Otherworld intro plays)_

**Background Music:** OOOOOh, down by the bay, down by the bay, where the watermelons grow, where the watermelons grow, back to my home, back to my home, I dare not go, I dare not go, for if I do-

** Tidus:** SOMEBODY SAAAAVE MEEEEEE!

** Sound Technician:** _(evil laugh)_ I love this job...

-Scene Where You Beat Sinspawn Ammes-

**Auron:** Take it. _(gives Tidus his weapon)_

**Auron: **A gift from Jecht.

**Tidus:** _(cluless as ever) _My... old man..? Ack! (trips and accidentally cuts his head off)

**Auron:** -.- baka...

-Scene Where Everyone Gets Sucked Into Sin, Which Sucks...-

**Tidus:**_(what...the...heck...?)_

**Auron:** This is it. This is your birthday party... I mean, this is your... cheese? Ok, who's been messing with the cue cards?

**Rikku:** n.n

* * *

Tobikunai: We-e-ell, that's it for Zanarkand. Next update might not be for awhile, I'm just taking a little brea from We'll Be Back, which is driving me insane... don't worry, I will update WBB soon! Promise!

Kansatsu: Umm.. Tobikunai-sama?

Tobikunai: Yup?

Kansatsu: Why do all your outtakes fics start with someone falling?

Tobikunai: (scowls) Okay, so maybe this is really simaliar than KHO, but its not tooo bad! I mean sure the Riku/Rikku thing was kind of obvious, and... well, anyway, review! Please! n.n


	2. And I Thought This Was the English Vers

Kansatsu: Tobikunai-sama!

Tobikunai: Nani desu ka? I'm busy!

Kansatsu: UPDATE! And you're not busy, you're just sitting there getting your ass kicked in Star Ocean! Ouch... okay, that was just pathetic, girl! You can't play video games any better than you can write!

Tobikunai: Shut up. But... I guess its kinda true. The title of Chapter 9 of KHO did come from personal experience. -.-U And gomennasai for the terrible lack of updates, Kansatsu-kun has been going through one of her anti-humor phases again... (glares at Kansatsu) It's all your fault! I haven't been able to write anything funny for WEEKS!

Kansatsu: And this is different from normal... how?

Tobikunai: n.n

Kansatsu: Ah... what're you smiling about? (nervous laugh)

Tobikunai: Oh, well, y'see, I'm having one of my Soujiro moments... SHUNTENSATSU! And, oh enjoy the chapter, minna-sama!

**Disclaimer: **

Tobikunai: I don't own FFX, Ayashi no Ceres, or anything else that might pop up at random in this fic... (glances at author intro) Oh and I guess I don't own Soujiro-chan either... Why must the world be so cruel? T.T

Kansatsu: Somebody saaaaaave me!

* * *

**o-Chapter Two: I Thought This Was the English Version...-o**

-Scene Where Tidus Fights Gosa..Gesa... That Big Fish Thingy-

**Tidus:** _(slash) (slash) (defeats two of the little fish things)_

**Geosgaeno: **_(Bursts through the wall) _ROOOOOAR!

**Tidus: **O.O AUGH!_ (Jumps out of the way)_

**Last Little Fish-thingy:** _(likewise)_

**Geosgaeno:** _(speeds past them and crashes into the wall) _ITAI!

**Tidus and Fish-thingy:**_(Start laughing their asses off)_

**Ruins:** Rrrrumble...

**Tidus: **Uh-oh...

**Ruins:** Grrrumble... _(crumbles to the ground, smashing the fish-thingy) _

**Geosgaeno:** Ooops...

**Director:** _(groan)_ Cut!

-Scene Where Tidus Escapes Geosgaeno-

**Tidus: **Eeep! _(runs.. er..._ swims_ away)_

**Geosgaeno:** _(sits there and politely waits for him to flee, like the random encounter enemy he is)_

**Tidus:** _(safe up on the ledge) _Hey, wait... that was just another scripted battle, wasn't it? Dammit, I NEEDED THAT EXP!

-The Great Flashback-y Dream Thingy That Makes Absolutely No Sense-

**Tidus: **What do you want?

**Auron:** It was a bad call. Your team lost because of you.

**Tidus:** You came to say THAT?

**Auron:** It's been...ten years. I thought you'd be crying.

**Tidus:** _(all innocent-acting)_ Who, me?

**Fayth of Bahamut: **You cried.

**Tidus:** O.O IT'S THE STALKER KID AGAIN!

**FoB:** I AM NOT STALKING YOU!

**Tidus:**Then how do you explain how you know that I cried over... something... ten years ago? Er... no... I mean... I WASN'T CRYING!

**FoB:** Oooookay then... well, if anybody needs me, I'll be... somewhere far away from here. Ja ne!

**Auron: **Yeee-ah, I'm leaving too... before he starts talking into thin air again...

-Scene Where Those Random Al Bhed Are Beating Up On Tidus-

**Al Bhed 1**: Fryd et drec?

**Tidus:** _(What... the... hell...?)_ Who's Fred?

**Al Bhed 2:**Y fiend! Eh risyh teckieca! Oac! Ed ec cu!

**Tidus:** Oac? Like, an orc or something? Where? I NEEEEEEEEEED EXP!

**Al Bhed 3:** _(holding a blade near Tidus' neck)_ Fa gemm ed?

**Tidus: **Gem? This isn't Spyro, baka!

**Rikku:** Fyed! Fryd ev ed ec risyh?

**Tidus:** Fed? Do you guys have food, or something? I NEEEEED FOOD! ...but not as much as EXP.

**Al Bhed 3:** Drao yna dra cysa eh taydr.

**Tidus:** Yna? I just heard you say that and I still don't know how to pronounce it... Is it some kind of forgein food?

**Rikku:** E vunpet ed! Fa pnehk ed fedr ic.

**Tidus:** ...Vunpet? That's a type of random encounter enemy, right? WHERE?

**Rikku:** Cunno.

**Tidus**: ...Kumo? Isn't that Japanese? I thought we were filming the English version- _(gets punched in the stomach and faints)_

**Rikku:** Finally!

**Director:** _(sigh) _Cut!

-Scene Where Tidus and Rikku Are Talking On Deck of the Al Bhed Ship-

**Tidus:** Did I say something funny?

**Rikku:** You were near Sin.

**Tidus:** Mmm-hmm.

**Rikku:** Don't worry, you'll be better in no time. They say your head gets funny when Sin is near. Maybe you just had some kind of dream?

**Tidus:** You mean I'm sick?

**Rikku**: Because of Sin's toxin, yeah.

**Tidus: **So... I'm like an amnesiac?

**Rikku:** Errrr... I guess...

**Tidus:** Sugoi! Who am I? Where am I? _(starts running in circles and crashes into the wall) _Yes, Mikage-sama, I will capture the tennyo...

**Rikku:** -.- I don't know you, okay?

* * *

Tobikunai: There goes chapter two! (I'm usually much more punctual about updating than this, I swear!) Sorry about the stingy chapter length after making you all wait so long... 

Kansatsu: I think they were actually pretty relieved with how little they had to endure of you, Tobikunai-sama...

Tobikunai: (smile slowly spreads across her face)

Kansatsu: I didn't say anything! (thinking) Oh, just you wait for the next chapter... I'll get you...

**Reveiwers Corner:**

**Warui Usagi**:Thanks! And... erm... by the way... wht does "totemo tanoshikkata desu yo" mean? Gomen ne, I haven't been studying Nihongo formally and I'm certainly not what you'd call fluent... n.n Thanks!

**I've Got A Secret**: I'm still at the begginning of X-2 (is embarrassed) I'm too lazy to play it most of the time... But by the time I've got this done, I might actually be near the end of it... -.- We'll have to wait and see! n.n

The next chapter will be Besaid! O tanashimi ni!


	3. No Extra Title

* * *

Tobikunai: Okay, okay, I swear I'll never Shuntensatsu you again, just pleeeease let me write! 

Kansatsu: No.

Tobikunai: Onegai shimasu?

Kansatsu: No.

Tobikunai: If you get rid of my writer's block, I'll call you Kansatsu-_sama_ for the rest of the week, allow you to read _my_ manga and even (shudder) let you (shudder) play on _my_ Kingdom Hearts file...

Kansatsu: Can I sell all your synth items and your Ultima Weapon, buy 15,000,000 useless gummi parts, and totally dump your perfect accesorry arrangement?

Tobikunai: (twitch) Whatever you want, Kansatsu-sama.

Kansatsu: You got a deal! n.n

* * *

Chapter Three: No Extra Title 

-Scene Where Tidus Arrives in Besaid-

**Tidus:** _(lying unconcious in the water) _Uggh... _(blitzball goes soaring past his head)_

**Director:** CUT! Tidus, you were supposed to wake up!

**Tidus: **_(snoooooore...) (jerks awake)_ SEVEN TIMES SEVEN IS FORTY-NINE! Huh wha-?

**Director:**(_sigh...) _Tidus, you are only _pretending_ to be asleep! You need to be _awake_ so you can sit up at the right time, okay?

**Tidus:** Right. I need to bake, so can spit up at five to nine, got it... _(falls back asleep)_

-Scene Where Tidus and Wakka Swim to Besaid-

**Wakka:** Hey, it's this way!

**Tidus:** Huh?

**Wakka:** _(shoves Tidus into the water and jumps down next to him)_

_(looooong pause)_

**Wakka:** Er.. Director-sama? Wasn't he supposed to have come back up by now? Ya?

**Director:** _(groan)_ just what I need, a drowned main character... _(sigh)_ pull him out, Wakka. Well, at least things can't get any worse...

-Scene Where Tidus and Wakka are Walking to Besaid-

**Crusasder #2:** Be on guard. There're _fiends_ on the road today! _(DUN DUN DUUUUUN!)_

**Wakka:** Um... there're _always_ fiends on the road, ya?

**Tidus: **Who cares! Sweet EXP, I've found you at last!

**Director:** Ah. I stand corrected. Things can always get worse...

-Pretty CG Scene Where Yuna Comes Out of the Chamber of the Fayth-

**Yuna:** I've done it! I have... become... a summoner!

_(everone walks out into the main temple area)_

**Tidus:** Man, was I surprised. and here I was thinking that all summoners-

**Yuna:** _(glare)_

**Tidus:** Er...what?

**Yuna: **Tidus, I believe I told you something about talking to the people in your head, didn't I?

**Tidus:** Anou... yeah, you said they..._(shudder) _aren't real, or something like that...

**Yuna:** Exactly. _SO STOP TALKING TO THEM_!

**Director: **Why me?

Scene Where Yuna Summons Valefor

**Wakka:** Ready!

**Yuna:** Okay! _(Begins the summoning)_

**Valefor: **ZOOOOOM!_ (comes soaring down through the sky and goes into a steep nosedive-)_ CRASH! _(-but hits the temple floor)_ I think I overshot that a bit... itai...

**Lulu:** O-oh my god... you can _talk? _O.o

**Lulu's Moogle-weapon-a-ma-jig:** Uh... YEAH, he can! Listen lady, just because we're _(bleeep)_-ing animal-thingys doesn't mean wer're_ (bleeeep)_-ing to stupid to talk, you ugly _(bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)_

**Lulu: **O.O _(stares blankly at the moogle)_

**Moogle:** er... kupo?

**Lulu:** BAD MOOGLE! FIRAGA!

Fancy FMV Where Lulu Yells at Wakka

**Lulu:** He's dead, okay? DEAD! He does look a lot like Chappu. I was surprised to, the first time I saw him.

**Wakka: **Um.. no... he really doesn't...

**Lulu:** _(blink)_ Really?

**Wakka: **Yeah, we go to the Farplane later in the game, and Chappu's there, and he looks _exactly_ like an NPC, but _nothing_ like Tidus, I swear, ya?

**Lulu:** That's interesting... so... er... why did Square-sama put that line in the script?

**Wakka:** Well... I blame the machina!

* * *

Tobikunai: Sigh... I am so sick of apologizing for this ...groan... but I'm so so so sorry for the lack of updates, minna-sama ! I've had writer's block (glares at Kansatsu) finals (algebra 1-2 H should rot in hell forever) the holidays, playing RPG Maker 3 (I love it SO much) and FF9 (Vivi is the awesomest n.n) Between all that... well, as I said, I'm SORRY! GOMENNASAI! I APOLOGIZE TO THE WHOLE WORLD! T.T 

Kansatsu: Stop it with the Ritsu impression and get working on the Kilika chapter!

Tobikunai: (sigh) Yes, Kansatsu-sama...

Kansatsu: n.n

Reviewer's corner:

**chocolatexchocobo:** Ah, I hate that Sinspawn... I'm in the same place as you on my new game... okay, use black magic or Wakka's attacks on the head, I guess, and have Auron or Tidus hit the arms, and then the stomach after they disappear (they respawn though... sigh...) then have Yuna summon an aeon if she gets her Overdrive. I think it might be weak against some status effect or other, but I'm not really sure. Oh, and try to make sure Auron and Yuna are relativally healed up at the end of the battle, you'll have to fight another one, but with Seymour in your party.

** Rae-scars-adorn-me**: I'm... guessing that _wasn't_ a compliment... n.n But hey, I'm disturbing, so what d'you expect? n.n


	4. The Seven Not So Deadly Sinspawns

Tobikunai: Aaaaaand now for Kilika, home of the world's easiest optional boss, some Sinspawns, Ifrit, and my favorite FMV! 

Kansatsu: Soon to also be home to Tobikunai-sama's stupidity.

Tobikunai:(_ShutupKansatsu...)_ So, without further sarcasm, on to our regularly schedueld randomness!

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

Kansatsu: FFX belongs to various smart people. That pretty much excludes Tobikunai-sama right off the bat, now doesn't it?

Tobikunai: Oh, and that makes you a genius, ne?

Kansatsu: Well, I don't like to brag, but...

* * *

**o-Chapter Four: The Seven Not-So-Deadly Sins(pawns)-o**

-Scene Where Tidus is Drowning or Whatever Before Fighting Sinspawn Echuilles-

**Tidus:** X.x

**Sinscales:** _(still attacking him...for... some reason... before getting knocked away by Wakka's blitzball) _

**Wakka: **Here! _(uses a potion on him)_

**Tidus:** _(Jerks awake) _Augh! That better not have actually used one of my potions! I'm gonna be mad if it did!

**Wakka:** _(sigh) _Tidus, WE DON'T HAVE ANY POTIONS! We used them all in the last fight!

**Tidus: **_(blink)_ Oh... really?

**Wakka:** Yep.

**Tidus:** Then... er... where did that one come from...?

**Wakka:** My secret potion stash, ya? Duh.

**Tidus: **You have a secret potion stash?

**Wakka: **Uh-huh.

**Tidus:** Awesome! We aren't out of potions for the battle after all! We're not going to die! Yay!

**Wakka:** We can't use them.

**Tidus**:... Because...

**Wakka:** _(shrug)_ It's not a cutscene anymore, ya?

**Tidus:** What does that have to do with anything?

**Wakka: **How should I know?

**Sinspawn Echi-whatever:** AHEM! Giant monster, standing write behind you? Hel-loooo?

**Director:** CUT!

-The Sending FMV-

**Yuna:**_(Walks slowly out on the water)_

**Some Ramdom Person in the crowd:** _(Coughs)_

**Yuna:** Eep! Will you please stop that? I need to concen- _(too late- the ocean is no longer solid and she slips through the water) _AAAAAAAAAAH!

**Random Crowd Member:** Oops... SORRY!

**Yuna:** _(groan) _

**Director:** Cut!

-Scene Where Everybody goes to Kilika-

**Wakka:** Ah, there you are! _(to his teammates)_ Besaid Aurochs! Huddle! On to the temple, where we pray for victory!

**Teammates**:_ (agree and leave)_

**Wakka:** High Summoner Ohalland used to live in the Kilika temple here. Yep. Lord Ohalland was once a great blitzer, you know?

**Tidus:** Wakka...

**Wakka:** Hm?

**Tidus:** Praying for victory's all good...but is this right?

**Wakka:** Something wrong with enjoying blitzball?

**Tidus:** Is this really the time?

**Wakka**:... I'm afraid I don't follow, ya?

**Tidus:** _(smacks forehead) _THIS WHOLE TOWN JUST GOT WIPED OUT!

**Wakka**... so?

**Lulu:** Allow me to translate: Tidus says: "Wakka... is... an...insensitive... jerk."

**Wakka:** ... _(still not getting it)_

**Lulu:** _(sigh)_ ..."ya?"

**Wakka:** Oh. HEY!

**Director: **...I hate you all.

-Scene Where Yuna Asks Tidus to Become Her Guardian-

**Yuna:** I want to ask you to be my guardian.

**Wakka: **Yuna! What? This is no time for jokes, ya? He may be a blitzball whiz kid, but up against fiends, he's a newbie.

**Yuna:** Not a guardian, then...I just want him nearby.

**Tidus:** What? What do you mean?

**Yuna:** It's just that, well... um... Ugh! BAKA! Do I need to spell this out for you!

**Tidus:** Probably won't help. I dropped out of kindergarden, you see...

**Yuna: **_(groan) _I wan't you nearby because... AUGH! I CAN'T SAY IT!

**Tidus:** ...because... I don't speak in riddles like everybody else?

**Yuna:** NO!

**Tidus:** ...because... I'm the main character and I'll have to follow you everywhere anyway?

**Yuna:** No, you idiot!

**Tidus:** ... because... I totally kick ass and everyone else is lame...?

**Wakkka and Lulu:** HEY!

**Kimari:** ...

**Yuna: **_(groan)_ ...close enough... _(sigh...)_

**Lulu: **_(whisperwhisper)_ Aren't they cute? _(whisperwhisper)_

**Yuna: **I HEARD THAT!

**Lulu:** _(all innocent-acting)_ Heard what, Yuna-chan?

**Director:** CUT!

* * *

Tobikunai: Yup, your eyes aren't lying to you! An actual FFX update... alomost less than a month away from the last one! (I know what you're thinking: "Who are you and what have you done with Tobikunai?") ... It's short. I know. But there will be a _lot_ of chapters to this thing, trust me. It will probably have like twice as many chapters as KHO, so... 

Kansatsu: She has no idea what she's doing.

Tobikunai: -.- I hate you...

Kansatsu: Glad to be of service!

Tobikunai: And the next chapter will be: THE S.S. WINNO AND LUCA! I apologize in advance: I know nothing about blitzball. Nothing. THe best I've ever done in a blitzball game was manage to keep the Goers from scoring: for like five tiebrakers in a row -.-

Ja ne, minna-sama! n.n


	5. Insanity

Tobikunai: Hai, hai, wakatta, wakkatta.It's been WAY to long. Gomen nasai... take your complaints to my teachers... and kanji. You can complain to kanji too. -.- 

Kansatsu: What? Wait... you're finally writing? Dammit.

Tobikunai: Shaddup. Anyyyyyyyyyyyway, what I was saying is, I had WAY too much crap to do before school let out, and then I decided to waste my whole spring break playing FF9 (yay for Vivi!) and reading (and re-reading) Megatokyo ('tis so l33t n.n). But, in my favor, i got REALLY far on putting together a new WBB chapter, for any readers of that fic who still think I may be alive. n.n

Kansatsu: If I kill you, would that keep you from updating?

Tobikunai: No. I would rise from beyond the grave, continue my procrastination, and eventually cobble together a half-page piece of crap for the world to pretend to laugh at. What I do usually, basically.

Kansatsu: (sigh) It was worth a shot.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned FFX... well, it wouldn't even be out yet, so, yeah, you can guarantee it's not mine. n.n

**o-Chapter Five: Insanity is Spelled: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"-o**

-Scene on the S.S. Winno Where Tidus is Eavesdropping-

**Wakka:** What do you want me to do?

**Lulu: **Yuna wants to make him a guardian.

**Wakka: **Oh yeah, geez... There's that too, ya?

**Lulu:** And whose fault is that?

**Wakka:** Not mine! ...It is mine, ya?

_(suddenly, Tidus is at the bottom of the stairs again)_

**Tidus:** _(at the top of his lungs)_ WOW, I TELEPORTED! IT MUST BE A WORK OF GOD! OR ALIENS! OR MAYBE ZOMBIES! I'm going to go do that again. _(runs back up the stairs)_

-Next Eavesdropping Scene-

**Wakka: **Well, yeah, I mean... He's gotta decide for himself, ya? Well, him and Yuna, I guess.

**Lulu: **You're right, for once. I wonder which is best...

**Tidus:**_ (Glances at script) _Oh, yay, it's over, now I can teleport again! Whoa, wait, where am I... _(stares blankly around at... Guadosalam) _AUGH! The ship has transformed into a city made out of trees! IT MUST BE POPULATED BY MARTIAN SQUIRRELS! AUUUUUUUGH, SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

**Rikku, offstage:**_(giggle)_ It's kinda lame how easy it is to mess with these teleportation devices... n.n

-Blitzball Jecht Shot Flashback-a-ma-jig-

**Jecht:** Well, well, trying to follow in my footsteps, are you? I usually charge for lessons, you know... That shot is done like this! _(jumps into the air, twirls, does a fancy flip thing, ...and lands on his head.)_ Itai... x.X

**Chibi-Tidus: **Wow, that's really all there is to it?

**Director:** CUT! MEDIC!

-Scene Where Tidus Tries To Do the Jecht Shot-

**Tidus:** The best? Yeah, right. _(jumps into the air, twirls, does a fancy flip thing, ...and lands on his head.)_ Oh YEAH! I DID IT! Yes, you know I rule!

**Yuna:** -.-

-Scene Where Everyone Arrives in Luca-

**Announcer-Dude:** Right, Jimma. Moving right along, our next team is... Here they are, folks! Our very own Luca Goers! They've got power! They've got speed! They've got teamwork! THEY'VE GOT A REALLY STUPID NAME! I mean, the "go-ers"?

**Director:** _(sigh)_ Yes, I know it's a stupid name, can we just deal with it and move on?

**Random Goer Member:**_(eye twitch)_ Shut up! Our name is BEAUTIFUL!

**Announcer-Dude: **Uh-huh. Whatever. Next up are-

**Random Goer Member:** Grrr... _(throws a blitzball at him)_

**Director:** Cut!

-Scene Where Tidus Claims He's Taking the Cup-

**Wakka:** It's like this every year, ya? Don't let it bother you.

_(Tidus climbs the crate and picks up a microphone)_

**Tidus:** _(speaking into the microphone)_ Stop right there, Goers! You guys are smilin' now, but not for long! 'Cause this year- wh-WHOA! _(Falls off the crate)_

-Scene From Above (Take II)- 

**Tidus:** _(speaking into the microphone)_ Stop right there, Goers! You guys are smilin' now, but not for long! 'Cause this year, us Aurochs are taking the cup!

**Rest of Cast:** "us Aurochs"? -.-

**Seymour (offstage):** Have you no grasp of grammar?

**Tidus:** Shut up! Me talk good!

**Lulu (to Yuna): **And you like him... why, again?

**Yuna:** I'm beginning to wonder that myself. -.-

-Scene From Above (Take III)-

**Tidus:** _(climbs up on the crate) _Er... Where's the microphone?

**Rest of Cast:**_(shrug)_

**Tidus:** Oh well.. _(Reaches beyond the confines of space and time to pull out... Cait Sith's megaphone)_

**Rest of Cast:**_(anime falls)_ WTF?

**Tidus:** What? IT'S SHINY! And I'm sure the FF7 cast won't mind if I shut that cat... robot... thing up for a while!

**Director:** -.- CUT!

-Scene Where Tidus Talks to the Al Bheds-

**Al Bhed 1:** E meto summoner!

**Al Bhed 2:** Fa sicd nabund.

**Tidus:** Hey! Al Bhed Psyches, right? Some Al Bhed saved me the other day, and... This girl Rikku gave me food and... Uh... You don't understand me, do you? Uh,

anyway... If you meet Rikku, tell her thanks for me. Oh, and as for the first game? May the best team win!

**Al Bhed 1:** Tu oui ghuz dnec eteud? (do you know this idiot?)

**Al Bhed 2:** Oac, na'c dna uha zudn dna pyt knyssyn. (Yes, he's the one with the bad grammar.)

**Al Bhed 1:** Dna "oc Aurochs" kio? (The "us Aurochs" guy?)

**Al Bhed 2: **Oab. (Yep)

**Al Bhed 1**: Ur. Frydajan. Ryjah'd fa kud y bmud tu ytjyhla? (Oh. Whatever. Haven't we got a plot to advance?)

**Al Bhed 2:** Cusadrehk mega dnyd. (Something like that.)

**Director:** CUT! No ad libbing!

-Scene Where Mika Gives a Speech-

**Mika:** Today, on this glorious day, players from all over Spira have assembled here...to participate in this great contest of bravery, skill, and strength. All of these fine teams, equally renowned, deserve to win the cup today. Such is the nature of this contest. Let us, the spectators, play our role accordingly. Let us sing to the glory of the winners, and applaud equally the valor of the defeated. Contestants, may Yevon be with you.

_(Silence)_

**Mika: **_(ahem)_ Contestants, may Yevon be with you.

_(Silence)_

**Mika:** A_hem_. _(Glances around at the cast)_ Oh, great. _(All of the, even the extras, have fallen asleep)_

**Random Crowd Member:**_(Wakes up) _Is the speech over? Praise be to Yevon I thought you were never gonna shut up...

**Mika:** _(sniff)_ I'm _so_ unappreciated...

-Scene After Saving Yuna From the Thingamajig-

**Lulu:** I hope you hurt them.

**Yuna:** A little.

**Tidus:** Uh... how?

**Yuna:** Pardon?

**Tidus: **You're a White Mage.

**Yuna:** ...and?

**Tidus:** All you know are Cure spells, and you can do like, 30 damage per hit. How the heck did you manage to hurt them?

**Yuna:** Easy. I reached into my infinite collection of Warp Spheres, located, warped to, and learned Zombie Attack on the sphere grid, then devised a complex series of difficult spells to get rid of all of their immunities to Zombie Attack before realizing I could just steal the armor that had it so I located, warped to and learned Steal, then I stole the armor and casted Cura on the Al Bhed a few times. _(stares at Tidus and Lulu's completely blank faces)_ Okay, so it wasn't very simple but... hey! I got three pieces of mediocre-quality Zombie-proof armor from it, ne?

**Director:** People, PLEASE stick to the script!

-Scene After the Match-

**Lulu:** Not the most...graceful win. If it was Chappu, he'd still be standing.

**Tidus:** Hey, aren't you being just a little unfair?

**Lulu:** Excuse me?

**Tidus:** I know I could never take Chappu's place. You're the one who told Wakka that, right, Lulu? And I don't think Wakka could ever try to take Chappu's pl-

**Lulu:** You don't want to finish that sentence.

**Tidus:** I don't...? Why?

**Lulu:** _(eye twitch) (SMACK!)_

**Tidus:** Itai... X.x

-Just Before the Blitzball Match-

**Lulu:** I saw you floating there, on the sphere.

**Wakka:** Hey, you weren't supposed to see that.

_(Wakka faints and Lulu catches him before he hits the ground.)_

**Lulu:** You really gave it your all, didn't you?

**Yuna: **_(hiding behind the wall) _Okay, Rikku-chan, give me the camera! (giggle)

**Rikku:** _(giggle)_ Hai! Umm... It must be somewhere in here... umm...

**Yuna: **YOU FORGOT THE CAMERA?

**Rikku:** Gomen ne...

**Lulu:** _(ahem)_ May I ask _what_ you are doing?

**Yuna:** n.n _(nervous laugh) _

**Director:** CUT!

-Blitzball game-

**Bobba:** Everyone seems to be calling for Wakka, folks!

_(Tidus swims out of the sphere pool)_

**Audience:** Huh?

**Tidus:** YES! I'm FREE! I'M FREE! YOKATTA!

**Director:** Um... no, actually you still have to play.

**Tidus and Audience:** NOOO!

-About Seventy Million and Four Tiebrakers into the Game-

**Tidus:** **PLEASE, KAMI-SAMA MAKE IT STOP! THIS INCESSANT MINIGAME IS EATING MY BRAIN!**

**Yuna: **Um, Tidus, you don't have a brain. -.-

**Tidus:** Oh, yeah...

-During the Infamous "Laughing Scene"-

**Tidus and Yuna:** HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

**Auron:** Have you had them comitted to an insane asylum yet?

**Lulu**: We can't find one for people quite this strange...

**Director:** We're trying, though...

And the #1 threat to Tobikunai's update schedule is... SQUARESOFT! This would have beeen out weeks ago if it weren't for KH2... but oh well, beter really (really really really) late than never... sorta... SORRY! But despite many difficulties-

Kansatsu: -Namely, Tobikunai's obsession with reading the Bartimaeus trilogy books and a sudden mysterious inabilty to spell "Tidus"

Tobikunai: Shaddup. (ahem) But despite many difficulties, It's finally out!

Next chapter'll be Mi'hen Highroad! O tanashimi ni!


	6. Life is a Highroad

Kansatsu: What's this...? I've got a letter...?

(ahem) "Kansatsu:

"You have exceeeded the legal limit on causing writer's block to your assigned authoress.If you continue to withhold inspiration from her just because you are vindictive and like to make people's lives miserable, we will have to send our team of insane ninjas after you. Love, the International Muse Confederation"

WHAT!

Tobikunai: HA! Now you have to help me write! NYAH! n.n

Kansatsu: Baka.

Tobikunai: -.-

**Disclaimer:** Just like you can't get water out of a stone, nor can you get money out of a high-school student who thinks the word "allowance" means "the process or act of allowing something" Thus, do not sue me, for I do not own FFX or anything else. Thank you.

* * *

**o-Chapter Six: Life is a Highroad, I'm Gonna Walk it All Day Long...-o**

-Scene Where You Get to the First Save Sphere-

**Save Sphere:** Traveller's Save Sphere Level 2 Thanks to the Besaid Aurochs' achievements, Save Spheres are now able to teleport you to the blitzball stadium! The Blitzball Scout System Many denizens of Spira are avid blitzball players! Talk to them with () to scout them! Sign the best players in Spira and lead the Besaid Aurochs to victory!

**Tidus:** Wait just one second. The world is going to hell. The Apocalypse is coming. We're the only ones who can stop it. And a save sphere wants me to play BLITZBALL? How does that even make sense?

**Auron:** You know, that _doesn't_ make sense...

**Director:** I don't care! CUT!

-Scene Where You Battle the First of the Armored-Creatures-

**Tidus:** Hah! That one looks slow.

**Auron:** It's also tough. Let me handle this.

**Tidus:** No way! I can take it.

_(The battle command menu shows up)_

**Tidus: **What's this? I can't press anything except for attack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This game is trying to make me look stupid!

**Yuna:** Tidus, you don't need the game to help you look stupid.

**Tidus:** Really?

**Yuna: **Yes. You do that all by yourself.

**Tidus: **Now that I think of it, I can! Wow, I'm awesome, aren't I?

**Yuna: **-.-

-Scene Where the Party Meets Maechen-

**Maechen:** Do you know what those ruins are from?

**Tidus:** Err... no. but...ah... we're kinda in a hurry, the road is kinda long and were all out of potions, so...

**Maechen:** Excuse me? Feh, kids today don't know the meanin' of no hard work! Why, when I was your age, we had to walk fifty miles to school! In the snow! Uphill! Both ways! _(launches off into old-geezer whiney rant)_

**Director:** CUT!

-Scene Where Everybody Rests at the Al Behd Shop-

**Tidus:** _(tries to walk out the door, but crashes into Rin)_

**Rin:** Oui yna yh ihluuntehydat eteud! Oui muug mega y nyd zedr Yugi-ou ryen! Ku vymm ehdu y pmahtah un cusadrehk! _(translation: You are an uncoordinated idiot! You look like a rat with Yugi-Ou hair! Go fall into a blender or something!)_

**Tidus:** Sorry?

**Rin:** Ah, forgive me, sir. I meant to say "pardon me," but it came out in Al Bhed.

**Rikku and everyone else who can speak Al Behd: **_(Cracks up)_

**Director:** CUT!

**Tidus: **What? What's so funny?

**Rest of cast:** -.-

-In the Middle of Some Random Battle or Other-

**Fiend:** _(Takes a look at the party) _You know what? Screw this. I am so so so so sick of getting killed over and over!

**Party:** Er... What? O.o

**Fiend:** You heard me. _(insane-person laugh)_ So this time, I'm not going to attack the party. Oooh no, I'm going to attack...

THE CAMERAMAN!

**Cameraman: **Eep! _(starts running)_

-A Little Bit Later-

_(party is walking along some random stretch of the Highroad)_

**Yuna:** Umm, Isn't there supposed to be a cutscene about now...?

**Director:** Well, for that, we need the cameraman, right?

**Cameraman:** I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! Whew. I think I lost the fiend... I hope so, anyway.

**Director:** Okay, people, let's get back to filming!

**Cameraman:** Er.. there's just on tiiiiiiny little problem with that one...

**Director:** _(Oh no.) (sigh)_ What?

**Cameraman:** I kinda... broke the camera... n.n;;

-Just Before the Cutscene Where Everybody Meets the Chocobo Knights-

**Cameraman: **Okay, guys, we're ready to film!

**Director:** Er, I thought you said you broke the camera?

**Cameraman:** I made a new one.

**Lulu:** Um... out of... _what_ exactly?

**Cameraman:** Chewing gum and prayers. _(camera falls apart in his hand) _Erm, clearly not enough prayers... Hang on though, I think I can fix it... anybody got a stick of Juicy Fruit?

-Scene Where Yuna Talks To the Mom and Little Girl-

**Mom:** We're looking forward to another Calm, My Lady Summoner.

**Yuna**: Wait. Wait Just one second. I'm about to die for all you people and that's all you have to say? "We're looking forward to another Calm"? Have you no sensitivity? Huh? Huh?

**Mom:** Er... sorry? O.o

**Yuna:** "Sorry"? I can't believe you people, you're so ungrateful-

**Director:** Cut! And let's look into some anger management classes for Yuna...

**Yuna:** What did you say?

**Director: **Meep! Nothing! _(Hides)

* * *

_

Tobikunai: Yarimashita yo! (Jumps up and down in celebration) I 'm sorry as ususal, folks. My new computer had some sorta security software with an immense grudge against but now that it has mysteriously disappeared, I can get chapters up again! YAY! Just as long as I can avoid writer's block...

Kansatsu: I'm thinking I'd rather have chanced the ninjas...

Tobikunai: Anyways, there is some good news! I've finally gotten a Deviantart account, Whoohoo! n.n That and I am going to force myself to begin the next chapter tommorrow, so hopefully I'll be updating soon. Hopefully.

Next chaper's Mushroom Rock Road! O tanashimi ni!


End file.
